February Homework

Sexuality

“Human Sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings; the awareness of themselves as males or females; the capacity they have for erotic experiences and responses. Sexuality can be described as the way someone is attracted to other people.

It used to be believed that human sexual behavior was different from the sexual behavior of most other animals, in that it was practiced for reasons besides copulation. Current understanding is that many species formerly believed to be monogamous have now been proven to be promiscuous or opportunistic in nature; a wide range of species appear both to masturbate and to use objects as tools to help them do so, where procreation is not the aim.”

Over the ages, sexuality has evolved, just as we have evolved as a society. The 1960s and 70s brought about the Sexual Revolution where the more “traditional” codes of behavior and sexual relationships were challenged and reclaimed. Now in 2011, we have “sexting” (sexy text messaging), a “brazilian” culture that extends beyond the confines of the beach and into the newly popular realm of "vajazzling", and free online porn.

This topic may be easier for some than others, so of course this is all about your comfort level. However, as Jen so wisely put: “it will be therapeutic for the women to hear how others experiences shaped them to be the woman they are today. Others who are not as comfortable with their sexuality will also hopefully benefit from this open, truthful discussion.”

There is an immensely positive side to sex (under the right circumstances, with the right partner) and sexuality: it connects you deeply with yourself and the man you love, makes you feel good about yourself, inspires confidence, helps you love your body and let go of inhibitions, and undoubtedly sex can be emotionally healing. Owning your sexuality, and feeling comfortable to express yourself sexually is essentially about honesty and trust.

Then there is the negative side: date rape, rape, abuse, religious upbringing teaching us it's sinful, sexual discrimination, gender confusion, homophobia, and a plethora of insecurities we may have about ourselves.

The good can be very, very good, and the bad can be very, very bad. Consider then, your experience with sexuality:

For personal reflection and preparation for the topic:

1. How/when did you first learn about ‘the facts of life”? Did your parents sit you down and have The Talk? How much did you learn from your parents, and how much from your peers?

2. Did your parents have a positive or negative outlook on sex? Did they talk about it when you became older? Did they have more a liberal or traditional way of expressing themselves when it came to talk about sex?

3. How did what your parents taught you affect your adult sex life and sexuality in general?

4. How might we learn from these experiences when it comes time to telling our children about “the birds and the bees”, as well as deeper issues such as masturbation, contraception, homosexuality, etc.

Homework Questions for Discussion at Our Meeting:

Please answer these questions to share in our February discussion.

Empowering Your Sexuality:

How do you view yourself as a sexual being? How comfortable are you with your own sexuality? How do you use your sexuality to your advantage?

Is there anything you would like to change about the expression of yourself as a sexual being? If so, how? What is holding you back from change? If not, why not?

Disempowered Sexual Experience

It is extremely common for women to be sexually violated by men. That can be anything from a derogatory comment to rape.

Consider these questions:

Many times a first sexual experience is not as empowering as it should be. How was yours empowering or disempowering?

Have you ever had a negative sexual experience? For e.g. Did anyone expose themselves to you as a child/teenager; Touch you inappropriately; Force you to have sex?

How have you dealt with inappropriate and unwanted advances from men, and has it changed the way you express your sexuality?

Marriage/Pregnancy:

Consider your sex life before you were married, and the evolving nature of your sex life throughout your marriage. How has it changed?

Pregnancy: did having a child affect your sex life with your husband? For the better or worse?

Do you withhold sex from your husband as a punishment? Who initiates sex most often?

We look forward to another inspiring meeting, full of growth, sharing and love. This subject is one of the most personal that we have ever taken on, and at this point in the relationship of our group, I think everyone knows: you are supported totally for who you are, and for the amount of information you feel comfortable in sharing.

See you in February!

Miranda & Jen